


i'm not wearing my usual lipstick i thought maybe we would kiss tonight

by Notaboutlove



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-08 23:27:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18904816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Notaboutlove/pseuds/Notaboutlove
Summary: The girls return to Lodge-Lodge. Betty and Veronica try to work through their stuff with choni doing their best to help





	i'm not wearing my usual lipstick i thought maybe we would kiss tonight

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted a fic that centered around the beronica relationship this time around. title taken from mitski's washing machine heart. I don't really mention too much about the craziness that was s3 because I wanted them to stay in their little bubble.

“Which side do you want?”

 

“I don’t care.”

 

Anything she had directed at Betty at this point had been met with apathetic monosyllabic responses, leaving no room for doubt in Veronica’s mind that she had indeed somehow managed to piss her now official girlfriend off in the span of time they had spent in the car together. She sighed and slumped on the left side of the bed where she already happened to be. She supposed she should feel lucky Betty was even giving her that much to work with.

This, _this_ , she learned from Alice, she mused, but kept to herself; she didn’t dare throw more kindle into the fire.

 

“The cupboards are empty, so we’ll have to go into town and make a grocery run once everyone is settled in.”

 

“Fine.”

 

With anyone else Veronica would not have held back the acerbic remark at the tip of her tongue, not for Archie, not for anyone. But this surliness that the blonde was so charmingly maintaining today was more than that. Betty didn’t throw tantrums (despite the Blossom blood in her veins), she more than knew how to take her lumps, so the brunette knew deep down this was stemming from some insecurity or sense of not feeling completely safe or grounded. So, she would be gentle and patient and wait for the right time to coax the answer out of her girlfriend. It was the least she could do.

 Betty dumped her bags in front on what would be their shared dresser and promptly locked herself in the bathroom. Veronica took in a deep breath.

What a great weekend this was shaping up to be.

*

 

 Veronica sighed softly to herself, removing her glasses momentarily to rub her eyes. Just another hour or so and she was sure a certain green-eyed angel upstairs would be asleep. She had to be tired after the day they’d had, actively avoiding each other, keeping up a not very convincing façade for Cheryl and Toni’s sake. Veronica herself had managed to deflect any negative responses or thoughts to counter whatever mumbled retort Betty threw her way.

 

Cheryl of course, had honed in on it, as she was wont to do when things that were less than stable. She kept close tabs on her the whole day. As subtlety was not her strong suit, Veronica passively allowed it, but she knew Cheryl wanted to talk about it. She, however, did not, at least not until things with Betty were settled.

 

As loathe as she was to do anything remotely work related while on what was supposed to be a relaxing get-away (they really had a bad track record with this sort of thing), she couldn’t face the sullen blonde upstairs. She could face off with her villainous father, her misguided stubborn mother, every other Neanderthal at Riverdale High who had less than progressive opinions about her new relationship, but now that she and Betty were together, she had found it was difficult to dig her heels in.

 

She loved her so, all she wanted was to give her fellow River Vixen what she wanted, which wasn’t a difficult task; it didn’t take much to please Betty Cooper. She knew it was cowardly to hide downstairs instead of trying to work through their problems, but Veronica was so tired. It seemed as though she’d used all her wit, her mental and physical strength outsmarting her father (and everyone else who had a problem with the Lodges), and this was all she had left over for the one person she loved most.

 

Soft footsteps coming down jostled her out of her musings. Chery and Toni, giggling and holding hands, made their way into the kitchen and opened the fridge, murmuring to each other. If Veronica had to hazard a guess, the girls probably assumed everyone would be in bed, judging from their sleep attire. Cheryl wore a nightie that was almost see-through underneath an open robe while Toni sported a bra and booty shorts. Not that either girl was shy about their body, she could easily see them casually strutting into breakfast like this without a care.

 

“Looking for anything in particular?”

 

Their heads simultaneously snapped up, obviously spooked, not having noticed Veronica in her corner table, a dim lamp lighting her pile of homework and invoices from the diner.

 

“Nothing.”

 

“Whipped cream.”

 

They looked at each other and burst into another fit of giggles.

It had been some time, if ever, that Veronica had witnessed such genuine joy on Cheryl’s face as she was witnessing now. She let it bring her some sense of peace and comfort that after everything, Cheryl had found another human being who accepted her as is, no questions asked. It was a rare thing to find. Her heart clenched a little at the thought; so had she, if she could just muster up the courage to do something about it.

 

“Bottom drawer,” she pointed with her chin distractedly.

The girls whispered to each other before reaching for a can. Cheryl leaned back against the now closed fridge in a not so subtle attempt to address her friend. She pulled her robe tight and ran a hand through her long hair waiting patiently for Veronica to acknowledge her and give her, her full attention.

 

“Look, V, I know it’s not my business, but whatever you and cousin Betty have going on, it’ll blow over. She loves you. Truly.”

 

Veronica only had the energy to nod sadly. Toni murmured into Cheryl’s ear, who nodded subtly, leaning in for a chaste kiss before leaving with the whipped cream. Toni crossed her arms and stepped closer to her table, brows furrowed.

 

“I’m not going to pretend I know what’s going on between you two, or that I know how to fix it. But if Betty is anything like Cheryl, I do know maybe communicating isn’t always a two-way street. You have to fight for it, and you’re a fighter Veronica. You’ll see. Until then, we’ll make sure to leave you some whipped cream for when you make up,” she winked.

 

Veronica felt her face flush even as she laughed softly despite herself watching Toni eagerly jog back up to her girlfriend. She imagined hers, that is if she still had one, alone in their bed in a fuzzy pink bathrobe (the opposite of anything their friends would wear to bed), blonde hair released for the day of its trademark ponytail, propped up by a multitude of pillows, reading or perhaps, like herself, using the time to do work instead of decompressing. It wasn’t the first word that came to mind to describe her girlfriend.

 

She ached to be up there with her. To distract her from her assignments that, frankly, were probably not due for a while. Betty was always trying to stay ahead, always running. Veronica wondered what would happen if she just stopped. She ached to sift her fingers through her hair, inhaling the subtle smell of her shampoo, something flowery and sweet, until they both drifted off to sleep. But she was out of her depths at the moment, not knowing what version of her girlfriend she’d find. The soft adoring person who she could be vulnerable with or the determined stubborn Betty. In truth, Veronica was smitten with every version of Betty (even the dark one).

 

She was different from the other people she’d dated. She’d been around the block a few times; it had been her time to drink fully from the cup of life after all and to see what both sides had to offer. They had been fun, entertaining, _hot_ , everything that sounded good on paper. But none of them had the substance that Betty had. She had inevitably grown bored, eyes drifting to someone new before the relationship would even be over.

 

Betty was not boring. She had depth, grit, her equal in every way. Just when she thought she had her figured out, she would surprise Veronica, in the best way possible. She lifted herself heavily out of her chair. Enough was enough. She drew the line at sleeping at weird angles in unconventional places. She did, however, take her time ascending to her bedroom.

 

To her relief, and slight guilt, Betty was beneath the covers, fast asleep. Her heart squeezed painfully in her chest at the dim bedside lamp she’d left on for her. She hovered over her form for a few minutes, examining her lovely slack features. She leaned down to ghost a kiss on her temple before quietly slipping in next to her and turning the lamp off. Veronica felt the heaviness of the day descend on her bones and found that it had rendered her essentially immobile. Even if she had wanted to move her body would not have granted her permission.

 

“V,” Betty mumbled.

 

Her brain raced, trying to confirm what she thought she had heard. There was no mistaking a second grumble of her name. Even though everyday life Betty was upset with her, dream Betty at least, missed her presence. Sluggishly, the blonde reached out to drape an arm around her waist and squeeze her hip bone.

Veronica carefully drew in a small gasp, it felt like an eternity since they had touched that it felt overwhelming to have that soft warmth envelop her. She could never deny her anything, especially not this. Betty’s touches were often deliberate. They were like a salve to Veronica. They said, _I’m here and I adore you_.

*

 

“I’m never going to be enough, am I?” Betty had murmured earlier that afternoon.

 

They were putting away groceries for the weekend that Cheryl and Toni were bringing in from the car (“How quaint, I’ve never shopped for groceries”, prompting a fond eye roll from Toni). It took Veronica a full minute to piece together and then process what she’d said; it seemed to come out of left field.

She slid the pancake mix in its place and whirled around to face her. Betty was at the table, looking down forlornly at the contents of the brown paper bag. She fiddled with the straps.

“Betts, what are you talking about?”

Deep down Veronica had an inkling, had had one for a while now, that maybe Betty wasn’t as secure in their relationship status. And maybe it was something Veronica should’ve tried to broach sooner, to ease her mind. But she’d kept putting it off in the hopes that all the rough patches would smooth over on their own; that with enough time her girlfriend would have all her insecurities and fears soothed into nothing, or at the very least nothing but a whisper of a thought without a firm grasp on her psyche. Now here they were, at the precipice of what could potentially devolve into a full flown argument, the other girls bound to walk in on it at any moment.

 

They had successfully navigated through their drama on their last trip, trying to keep the other two out of it, like parents that didn’t want to let on to their children that anything was amiss. This felt much less contained and not having that sense of control made Veronica feel a little frantic, she could only imagine what her girlfriend was feeling.

The former New Yorker was no stranger to aggression, but she could usually charm her way out of scuffles and be adored by the end of it. Attempting the same with Betty almost felt dishonest, this wasn’t some superficial relationship she could bend to her will to ease her own discomfort. Being with the blonde meant she had to curb initial impulses knowing that whatever card she had to play or tactic she had up her sleeve to come out the winner, did not apply here. It required that she take a step back and reevaluate everything she thought she knew about relationships.

 

Her past partners had not had the same issues, she had tended to date confident, some might say overly so, individuals who didn’t even entertain the idea that anyone could be put off by them ( she liked jerks before, sue her, she had grown from it enough to know it wasn’t fulfilling anymore). She tried to remain, passive, gentle, not wanting to escalate the situation, not step on any land mines.

 

“V, you know I don’t like it when we do this. I want to be clear.”

 

Guilt that had been ascending forced her to look away. Forced her to think about all the attention she constantly garnered from men and women alike. She’d never acted on it, of course her heart it seemed, had always belonged to Betty. That was that. But it didn’t appear to be enough for her. Sure, Veronica would occasionally flirt but she was a personable individual and it was part of her personality.

 

People were drawn to her, whether it was warranted in the moment or not. It never meant anything. At least not until now that it suddenly meant everything to the defeated girl in front of her. She forced herself to meet green eyes. They implored her to deny it, to prove her wrong, that her affections were Betty’s and Betty’s only. This was beyond some superficial jealousy; the blonde was suffering because of her, ached to be told that she was loved, that for once in her life she came first. She took in a shuddering breath.

 

“B, sweetheart, you’ve always been enough.”

 

The unspoken plea on her part was for Betty to believe her devotion. For her to not doubt her love or commitment. She didn’t know what she could do to soother her girlfriend. The air was taut with their tension as Veronica deliberated stepping forward to take her into her arms. It would either give them both ease or make it worse. Her answer came in a quick blink of Betty’s eyes, keeping her growing tears at bay as she broke eye contact.

 

“I can’t,” she whispered and made her way upstairs.

Veronica felt her own tears edging their way out, watching the love of her life flee. Toni and Cheryl burst loudly through the front door with the last of the bags, arguing loudly in the teasing way she had grown accustomed to associating with them. There was no bite there, no angst or pain, not the way her and Betty’s interactions seemed to veer into lately. They stopped short when they saw the look on her face.

She swiftly wiped anything that might be on her face.

 

“Don’t,” she pleaded. “It’s fine. Can you guys just finish up in here? I need to get some air.”

 

The girls immediately murmured their assent, not before exchanging concerned glances.

* 

 

Veronica finally started to feel the cold seep into her bones. After rowing for what felt like ages, she’d given up and let go of the oars to stare up at the cold morning sky. The physical labor had been strangely satisfying, it was the first time she’d done something like that. Veronica Lodge did not steer boats; she usually had some cute eye candy from town she’d roped into doing it for them while she sat back in her bathing suit.

 

She couldn’t exactly lay back comfortably so she’d opted to sit on the floor in this little boat to stare at the stars and her own puffs of air that she would periodically emit. The sun would rise soon, she could see the faintest tint of orange on the horizon. She focused on that and the wildlife around her that she could really only hear, not see. Funny, how back in the city, this was never something she craved, much less thought about. Out of sight, out of mind. She loved this property and everything it offered during all the seasons.

 

But shopping had been her way of blowing off steam; going out dancing with her girls; being unreasonably mean to strangers. Now in this solitude, the last thing she wanted was company. She could see the appeal now that the granola loving, Birkenstock wearing, Walden loving crowd worshipped about things like this. Being one with nature and all that. Veronica didn’t consider herself entirely shallow, but she could admit this intense introspection on her life was a new endeavor. She’d have to buy a cable knit sweater and a pipe.

 

Everything was so perfect, so placid. The world going about its own business, not caring about anything else. Certainly not two high school girls who couldn’t seem to get their shit together. After a fitful night, she’d dressed very early, had a cup of coffee while she read, then threw her coat on to find the boat she knew was docked somewhere out there that would guide her to a reprieve. She was aware that once again, she was essentially running away, but she needed to get out and clear her head. To remind herself that the world was a much bigger place than her petty problems.

 

It was beautiful out here, she’d have to show-

 

She shook her head clear of the thought. That was the last path she needed to go down. She’d already turned over every scenario in her head, trying to find a possible outcome. Re-imaging them so that they ended with teary kisses and a reconciliation; concocted additional instances where a grand gesture on her part would bring Betty back (rightfully) into her arms. But all she felt was sad and tired. Once she started to shiver, she sighed and picked up the oars to row back to shore. The last thing she needed on top of everything was hypothermia while on vacation.

 

She sought solace and comfort in the pines encircling her. She found it in their sturdiness, in their towering presence, their quiet strength.

 

_It’s going to be ok_ , a small voice assured her internally.

 

She allowed herself a small smile as she finally docked and tied it securely before carefully maneuvering out. She stuck her freezing hands into her coat pockets and made her leisurely way back. She froze in her spot when she spotted a shadow at the end of the platform waiting patiently for her. Terror seized her (after that one incident, it was too easy to assume the worst), before she made out Betty’s bundled form.

 

She released her held breath loudly, feeling all the tension ease out of her body in relief. Even in the dim light she could see the apologetic look on the blonde’s face. Once Veronica got close enough, she held her hand out for her. A corner of her mouth was turned up (albeit briefly) in a reassurance that she wasn’t some vandal or intruder. Veronica wasn’t stupid enough to not take the olive branch. She would greedily consume anything and everything this girl gave her. They clutched each other’s hands as Betty held her gaze, not giving anything away.

 

They simply stood for a moment taking each other in, the first real acknowledgement of each other since arriving. It filled an emptiness inside Veronica, to be seen. Finally, Betty started leading the way to a trail instead of back to the lodge. It took everything for her to not utter a single word. The ball was in B’s court and she was calling the shots. She could say her piece once Betty had said what she’d come to say.

 

For a brief moment she imagined a forthcoming break up, after all, her last words to her had been, I can’t, before she stubbornly pushed it away, bolstering herself. If there was anything she was sure of in this world, it was how she felt about the girl and how she in turn loved her back; she felt it in every fiber of her being, they would work things out.

 

They had to. They had waited too long for each other for them to not have their ending.

 

They walked among the trees quietly while Betty gathered her thoughts.

 

“So, I’ve been thinking. You’ve always chased after me, always were the one to make the first move. I guess it took me a little while to figure out it was my turn to fight for us. To show you that I wanted this, what this meant to me.”

 

Veronica held back from reassuring her that she didn’t have to do any such thing because she knew B was all in. That she never had to prove herself, not to Veronica anyway, (maybe she felt that way at school and certainly with Alice, who was a whole other monster to conquer) but she waited silently. The blonde stopped them in the middle of a small clearing and took hold of her other hand.

 

“V, you’ve always shown me that I matter, that we matter. I know I’m enough when it comes to you.”

 

In lieu of answering, Veronica reached out to cup Betty’s cheek, not wanting to interrupt her train of thought. Betty nuzzled into her hand and gave a watery laugh.

 

“I don’t know why I make things harder than they need to be.”

 

“That’s why you have me.”

 

Veronica felt bold enough to close their gap and wrap and arm around her waist to pull her closer. Betty leaned down to kiss her soundly and Veronica couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt this kind of relief. She released a small sigh, her body and her heart warming at being able to touch her girlfriend again with the guarantee that it would be welcomed.

 

“I missed you so much,” Betty whispered.

 

She remained incredibly close to V’s face.

 

“You were so close and still so far and disconnected and I hated it.”

 

Veronica felt too overwhelmed to express her own grief and dismay at their time apart. Instead she brought her hand up to cup her other cheek and kissed her over and over again. Deeply and achingly. Pressing into her, knowing it wouldn’t ever be close enough.

 

“Let’s go to bed.” The brunette hummed distractedly.

 

“I’m not tired.” Betty laughed softly.

 

“I didn’t say there would be sleeping.”

 

“Oh.” She felt her face burn at her shy, beautiful Betty making such a suggestive remark. She grabbed her hand and led her back towards Lodge-Lodge, her girlfriend still laughing at her.

*

 

Betty kissed her neck and Veronica sighed, head swimming, trying to find a way back to the surface.

 

“ _Dios_.” The blonde giggled, knowing Veronica slipped into Spanish when her brain was short-circuiting or under emotional distress.

 

“Wait.”

 

“What’s wrong?” Betty pulled back, lifting some of her weight off the brunette.

 

She had aggressively shoved her back into the door once they were safely behind it. Her green eyes were hazy and confused as they met brown. Veronica licked her lips and gathered her bearings, in a similar state as her girlfriend. She straightened up and ran both hands through Betty’s hair soothingly. The blonde watched her, eyes soft, until Veronica had cleared her head.

 

“It wasn’t just you, Betty. You’re not irrational for needing me to validate us, or not feeling enough. I played my part too. Maybe sometimes I don’t exactly discourage all the attention I get. And I’m sorry if I hurt you or made you think that this isn’t absolutely everything I could ever need.”

 

She wrapped her arms around her neck.

 

“But I promise from now on Betty Cooper, my attention, my _everything_ is wholeheartedly yours. I needed you to know before we did anything else.”

 

“I can live with that.” Betty leaned her forehead against Veronica’s, eyes hooded.

*

 

When they finally made their way downstairs again, Cheryl was, surprisingly, at the stove cooking in between turning to peck Toni perched on the counter next to her.

 

“You’re going to make me burn breakfast,” she admonished, leaning in for another kiss.

 

“You don’t seem to have a problem with it, Blossom,” Toni teased right back.

 

Veronica easily slid onto Betty’s lap when she took a seat at the table and wrapped her arms around the blonde’s neck. Cheryl promptly turned to them, beaming widely.

 

“Oh, good. Look, T.T. Beronica has reconciled, finally, and decided to join us.”

 

Veronica laughed, she couldn’t even bring herself to cringe at the hybrid of their names.

 

“Stop calling us that.”

 

Betty placidly kissed her temple and she melted further into the girl under her. Cheryl rolled her eyes and shook her spatula at them.

 

“Now that you can be in the same room without making it weird, I have a full itinerary for us to partake in. After breakfast, I want everyone bundled and ready to go promptly at eleven.”

 

Toni hopped off the counter to snatch the spatula out of Cheryl’s hand, to ensure there would be a meal to have that wasn’t burned to a crisp. She took a sip of her coffee mug and gently nudged her with her hip out of the way. Still facing the girls, Cheryl reached an arm back to gently squeeze her side in thanks.

 

“I need coffee for this,” Betty mumbled into her hair.

 

Veronica slid off her to search for mugs and plates for everyone.

 

“And when we come back,” the redhead continued, “we can talk about appropriate volumes for reconciliatory sex.”

 

Betty sat up straight in her chair while Veronica visibly balked, freezing at the cupboards.

 

“Don’t get me wrong, I love that you and cousin Betty patched things up, and while I can appreciate the vigor and passion with which you threw yourselves into your reunion, even rivaling _mon petit amour_ and myself- T.T. and I were woken very suddenly at a very rude hour.”

 

Toni turned, having turned the stove off and shrugged at them. She reached past Veronica to grab the plates. Still flustered, the brunette poured their coffees and pulled a chair closer than necessary to Betty, to feel some kind of solidarity against this attack on her character.

 

Betty on the other hand, seemed to have bounced back as she stretched leisurely, arching her back. Veronica was embarrassingly unable to keep her eyes off the action, blushing at remembering how just moments ago she herself had created that response in her girlfriend. It did not go unnoticed by the other girls.

 

“Tell you what Cheryl,” Betty casually leaned into her and kissed her jaw. “We’ll go upstairs later and practice so that we can figure out how to be quieter. I wouldn’t want to keep disturbing your sleep with our _vigor and passion_.”

 

Veronica blushed furiously, simultaneously embarrassed and turned on. How had they suddenly switched roles so quickly?

 

Cheryl raised her brow at her boldness and smirked. “Fair enough cousin.”

 

She focused her attention back on helping Toni in the kitchen. Veronica buried her face into Betty’s shoulder, laughing quietly.

 

“You think I’m kidding,” Betty chided.

 

_God, I hope not_ , almost left her lips. Veronica was not prepared for the rest of the weekend.

**Author's Note:**

> if you got through all of this, thanks for reading! if you want to yell about riverdale ( I have yet to watch the finale), beronica or choni you can find me loitering on tumblr @
> 
> didyoulookunderthesofainhell


End file.
